He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
