Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy