So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
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He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?