please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.