I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
