Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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