Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
