ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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