Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
