Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
