You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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