What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
