i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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