awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
