So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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