I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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