Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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