apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
