I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
