if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!