Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?