We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.