We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
