Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize