No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
