I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it's great music for shaving your balls
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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