well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize