I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
