remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
