I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You ruined the universe
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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