tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
