I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
