you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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