hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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