Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
