Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
