So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
