you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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