3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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