she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
