JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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