I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
