Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
