Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
