I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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