I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
