who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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