Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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