I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm going to jail i love you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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