"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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