Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
