hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
