What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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