Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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