Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
