Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
