I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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