No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
