I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
