In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
