Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
