Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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