I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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